A simple lesson in grocery shopping etiquette

It seems ridiculous to me that every single time I go to the grocery store I end up dealing with a myriad idiots who don't seem to realize there are other people in the world besides themselves. And yet, it happens every single time. Am I the only person who has any grocery store etiquette whatsoever?

Just in case I am, here is a short list of things you can do to help improve your grocery store etiquette.

If you are planning on purchasing less than ten items, get a handbasket. Don't get a huge, bulky, aisle blocking cart, stupid.
Leave your 15 dirty, screaming, bratty, welfare kids at home.
Don't complain about the price of something to the clerks. They just stock the shelves and ring you up. They don't set the prices. That means you are wasting everyone's time and making yourself look like an asshole, you asshole.
While you are in the liquor aisle staring at the shelves trying to decide which size bottle of cheapass Allen's coffee brandy to purchase for tonight's festivities, do not leave your cart parked sideways in the middle of the aisle so that no one else can get by you.
Loudly complaining to your shopping companions about how slowly the checkout line is moving doesn't make it move any faster. Shut up.
If you decide you don't want an item in your cart, put it back where it belongs. Don't you realize your lazy ass is helping increase the prices of everything because some schmuck has to be paid by the store to roam around and fix all your product leave behinds?
Don't just stand there like a moron at checkout. Help bag your groceries if there is no bagger available. Everyone behind you is waiting.
Put your cart in the parking lot cart holder thingy. Leaving your cart rolling around the parking lot is about the laziest thing I can imagine you white trash fatass.

There you have it. Follow these simple rules and hopefully all of my shopping experiences will soar from "horrible coma inducing waste of my time" all the way up to "almost okay".

Thank you.