Appeasing all lawyers ...
Please be sure to read this entire disclaimer very carefully before doing anything on this web site. Your future, nay, your very life, may depend on it.
I, Skip Ernst, cannot be held liable for inappropriate, distasteful, sexist, gross, stupid, racist, taboo, questionable, disturbing, stolen, religious, ugly, offensive, dirty, unnecessary, foul, copyrighted, grammatically incorrect, naughty, forbidden, or otherwise unwanted materials posted by users of this web site. I am, after all, only one man and cannot possibly be expected to read every bit of text uploaded by the site's users. You know who you are and if you do it again ... well ... then there will be more material on this site to be offended by, and we don't want that now do we?
All information submitted to me via this web site, through e-mail, or by way of the postal service becomes the sole property of myself, Skip Ernst. This is especially important if I like said item or it is worth money. Otherwise, I'm throwing that garbage you sent to me away. I reserve the right to use said materials any way I wish including altering these materials from their original form in order to re-post them on this web site.
Everything on this site, unless otherwise noted, is copyright 2001-2008 Skip Ernst. If you feel the need to "borrow" anything from this site for your own nefarious purposes, please just ask me. You will more than likely get the go ahead.
I don't take complaints very well, so you are pretty much out of luck here.
If, however, you just absolutely need to complain about something regarding the Seawana web site and your favorite crying shoulder is currently unavailable, you may drop me a line via the "Contact Me" link at left or EMAIL. All bitching sessions carried out in this manner are subject to my divided attention. For additional help see the golden rule in the encyclopedia.
Kudos, of course, are welcome at any time and through any possible means.
No information about users attained through registration and usage of the Seawana website is released knowingly to outside parties without the users's consent. Users e-mail addresses are not given out, sold or any of that crap.
Period.
I also take great care to obfuscate any e-mail addresses used on Seawana.com. This will help stop our users from getting their e-mail addresses harvested by spammers, spambots and other bottom dwellers who, let's be honest, everyone hates.
All articles and subsections (hereafter known as articles) of this legal disclaimer for Seawana (hereafter called only disclaimer) are judicially perfect rules for abidement by all parties involved directly or otherwise in the use and subsequent negligence of this web site. If any complaints are brought forward for the attention of the distressed parties and understanding is not a factor, then counsel will be avoided at all costs.
Additionally, all complaints or inquiries brought forth towards Seawana or it's owners/managers are to be logged in a straightforward fashion that requires less than one minute of Skip Ernst's time to read and comprehend. If an inquiry takes any additional time, the balance of time will be charged to the inquirer's user account at $4 per hour pro-rated and billed by 10 second intervals. Later retrieval of the inqurees account and account information may be withheld until the balance is remitted in full.
You have the right to remain silent as anything you say may be recorded for later regurgitation when you least expect it. You have the right to an attorney, although the nearly zero percent possibility of getting a helpful attorney constitute national fraud of the highest order. If you do not understand these rights as I have written them to you, then you have the right to a complimentary re-reading at a cost of only $4 per word. Other costs incurred while using this website are not the responsibility of Skip Ernst or any other of the site's curators. All arrangements possible for the payment of debts to Seawana will be made in great haste as everyone wants a piece of the pie these days and we are no exception. Your money is as good as anyone's and we plan on getting it one way or another so don't even try to walk away with your wallets or purses intact. Just leave them. You'll save us and you a lot of trouble. Gibberish. That's what this whole disclaimer is for the most part. I know it and now you know it, but it still looks good on paper. I find it very interesting how many other web sites feel the need to have a disclaimer. Especially amusing are the "joke" disclaimers for illegal Warez sites. They're probably not jokes to the site maintainers, but I think they are. They usually pronounce that all illegal materials on the site are simply there to be looked at and not stolen or something similar. Some even tell you to not enter the site what-so-ever right before displaying a nice big welcoming "ENTER" button. I would bet that if I raided an art museum and put all the stolen paintings on my front lawn and told people that they were "just for looking at and not stealing", I would be in heap big trouble. Funny how digital material isn't given the same credit yet. Granted, there will always be people who think stealing is acceptable, but when you're the one stolen from, the tone of your argument will surely change. How many of you have heard of the quote, "The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dogs."? I would bet the answer is almost all of you have. It's a nifty phrase that contains all the letters of the alphabet in a single sentence. To accomplish the feat it only uses a total of 37 characters. Quite impressive. Now, what do you notice about this phrase, "Pack my box with five dozen liquor jugs."? That's right. It also contains all the letter of he alphabet, but this phrase only uses 32 characters to do so. See if you can find one that only uses 26. If you can, I would love to hear it. Email it to me at EMAIL. I have yet to learn such a phrase, although I have heard that they do exist. Let's start with an easy one. Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxy and z. Now I've sung my ABC's, next time won't you sing with me. Very good everyone. Let's try another shall we? Ring around the rosey. Pocket full of posey. Ashes, ashes. We all fall down. Lovely. That was just beautiful. How about this one: All around the mulberry bush, the monkey chased the weasel. That's the way the money goes. Pop goes the weasel. Wonderfully done. How about one more for the road? Good, here goes. Hickory dickory dare. The pig flew up in the air. The man in brown soon brought him down. Hickory dickory dare. What? Really? You've never heard of that one? I thought it ws common. How about: Here I am, little jumping joan. When no one is with me, I'm all alone. No? Well, I think it's time you read up on your children's rhymes. Off you go. Well, aren't you a sad little person. To think that you actually have enough time on your hands to bother figuring out a way to read this fine print. I am truly appalled that you bothered to read this far. Isn't there something that you could be doing that would be a better use of your time than reading fine print that doesn't actually have any significance? I think if you try really hard you could get out of that chair and put your brains to use in some really neat way. Give it a shot and let me know how it goes for you. I would like to see that I have helped one viewer become a better person. So far, I'm batting .000 and my chances of increasing that average are not looking so good. So help a guy out and got get a job for Christ's sake.